Flexibility

 

I sat down today to write a post on flexibility.

 

I am quite inclined toward being a "Freak-Out-Homeschool Mom" and need to continually remind myself that flexibility, or willingness to change things up when needed, in homeschooling is vital to maintaining my sanity.

 

However, as I tried to write, I got interrupted, and interrupted, and interrupted....

 

"Mommy, please come wipe me!"

 

"Mom, do you think this is a good sentence for the opening of my speech?"

 

"Mom, he's touching my legos!"

 

"Mom, can you help me finish my Boston Massacre report?"

 

Feeling exasperated at the landslide of demands coming my way when I sat down to steal a few moments to think and write here during a time when the kids should have been working or playing independently, I found myself feeling like I was going to snap. Suddenly, I realized that I was getting a "life lesson" on flexibility in the middle of writing about flexibility.  Oh, the irony!  My branch was being bowed by the weight of my children's requests; and I could choose to either bend or break!

 

 

I took some time to meet my children's needs, and I'm sitting down again, my third fourth attempt, to finish my thoughts here.

 

Sometimes we need a break.  Sometimes the book, curriculum, or method we are using with our children isn't working.  It's okay to modify things in response to our circumstances or conditions.

 

 Flexibility is the ability to bend without breaking.  Homeschooling will break us if we don't have the ability to yield to what glorifies God most, moment by moment, even if it goes against our agenda for the day.

 

Homeschooling is challenging.  Our kids' sinful natures clash with our selfishness, and regardless of your organization level, fancy curriculum, support system, or number of children, you are going to have rough days where it feels like you are going to break.  Instead of throwing in the towel and giving up, try something new. 

 

Take a break from that book your child doesn't like.

 

Go on a nature walk.

 

Get out the paints or the playdough, play some classical music, and put aside the usual lessons.

 

Bake something special together with your kids.

 

Forget about that craft project that's stressing you out.

 

Take a deep breath and tell God that you just can't do it without Him....

....because you can't.

 

 

Productive, Not Perfect

 

When I first began homeschooling 5 years ago, I was a "freak-out homeschool mom" who wanted

to do everything right.  So, I did all of the typical things that FOHMs do: 

 

I tried to do public school at home.

 

I took on too much, researched curriculum constantly, and worried too much about whether or not my daughter was on track. 

 

I also allowed perfectionism to dictate my homeschool day. 

 

It's been said that if a perfectionist can't do it absolutely perfectly, then they won't do it

at all.  That was me!  I had this picture in my head of how our homeschooling day should go.  I pictured mannerly children saying the Pledge of Allegiance and listening to lengthy devotionals with rapt attention.  I could see us singing hymns together, reading the Little House Books while snuggled up together on the couch, and my kids cheerfully tracing the alphabet.

 

 

What I didn't count on was homeschooling in the midst of continual chaos.  Instead of being a chipper and energetic mom with a totally organized homeschool area, I was a tired mama who had been up all night with a fussy baby, was battling post-partum depression, and had 4 kids 5 and under.  Instead of having smiling children, I had a toddler who got into the markers and decorated the walls....again.  There were diaper blow-outs, cold viruses, stomach bugs, and potty-training accidents.  There was screaming, crying, and whining and a strong-willed child who challenged me on everything.  My little children often fought while I read aloud.

 

 

Even on the better days, if I couldn't do things "in a certain order" I would feel like a failure, even if we had gotten most of our work done.  I had a hard time counting our day as a school day if I didn't do everything on my checklist.  If life interrupted, which it did frequently, we would forget about doing any school because it couldn't be done perfectly.  I was drowning in my life and wondering why homeschooling was so opposite of what I had expected.

 

 

However, in order to have "perfect school days" I would have to be a perfect person and my children would have to be flawless.  Perfect school days are a figment of the imagination.  Let me repeat that for those of you who are new to homeschooling:  they don't exist!  Perfect school days don't exist in any school, whether public, private, Christian, charter, preschool, etc.

 

 

I have had to let go of perfectionism in order to be a successful homeschooler.  Over the years, I have learned that you can be consistent (Milk the cow!) without having perfection.  I may not always wake up before my kids, be able to start our school day at 9 a.m. sharp, get to everything on our list, or feel energized and alert, but we can still work hard and learn a lot during the day.

 

 

Because I have simplified our homeschooling, through Classical Conversations and through learning to say "no" to the good things so that I can say "yes" to the best things, we can accomplish most things on our list each day.  I still make goals and strive for great school days.  But if I happen to sleep in late, have grumpy kids, or have an unexpected interruption to my day, we roll with it and keep on doing what schoolwork we can do for that day instead of cancelling school.  If we don't hit everything on the list, the world doesn't fall apart! 

 

 

I have a list in my mind of things that are non-negotiables.  If we have a really stressful or unpredictable day, we can throw the extras out of the window and just get these basic school tasks done.  Your non-negotiables might look different from mine and that's okay!  Every family is different!

 

 

My Top 8

 

1.  Read from the Bible (Josiah does this one at bedtime)

2.  Boys practice reading (I use The Ordinary Parents' Guide to Teaching Reading)

3.  Math booklets (Justus does 1 page, Jer does 2, and Ali does 3)

4.  Review Grammar for the week (takes 5-10 minutes)

5.  Read-aloud together (The Children's Book of America, Story of the World)

6.  Prescripts Cursive writing (Ali and Jer each do 1 page a day)

7.  Explode the Code (Jer does 2 pages a day)

8.  Ali works on Essentials tasks (tracing charts, making keyword outlines, etc.)

 

 

Most days we can also get to reading a devotional lesson together, map tracing, working on presentations, singing our Bible memory work song, playing a review game, doing math flashcards, Justus and Katri tracing alphabet worksheets, doing an English lesson for the boys, doing calendar time with Justus, puzzles or playdough for Katri, Classical notebooks, singing the Timeline or United States song, and journaling or writing exercises for boys, but if we don't that's okay!

 

 

Simplifying our days and letting go of perfectionism has caused me to LOVE homeschooling!  Though our days aren't perfect they are productive!

Freak-Out Homeschool Moms

I've only been homeschooling for 5 years, so I'm still new at this, but if there is one thing I've learned in my short time of homeschooling, it's that the homeschool mom has to be flexible. Life circumstances change from year to year and not every method meshes with every child. No homeschool mom out there can successfully make a 10-year, or even a 5-year plan, and expect things to go smoothly. Homeschool plans need to be tweaked yearly, if not monthly!

Last year, God led us to do Classical Conversations.  We have only been doing it for a year but we all have thoroughly enjoyed it!

When I began homeschooling, I just assumed that we'd stick with My Father's World for the long haul. I loved all of the fun projects we did together during our 2 years of MFW Kindergarten studies. I still highly, highly recommend their curriculum, but know that with the number of kids that I have, and their personalities, I personally am unable to do MFW anymore. For my sanity, I need a more-streamlined curriculum.

If you have been to a CC practicum, you are probably aware of the term "Freak Out Homeschool Moms."  At our practicum last summer, our speaker, Andy, described them for us.

Andy did a little skit in which he showed us a History timeline card and what the typical FOHM does. Instead of just training their child to memorize the phrase (for example: The Fall of Rome) and perhaps read a brief description of it, the FOHM goes ballistic trying to get their kid to understand everything there is to know about the Fall of Rome. They build a model of Rome, and/or read 10 books on Rome from the library, and/or try to do a play on the subject. Meanwhile, the child's brain, in the grammar stage, is a sponge, ready to easily memorize the phrase in the timeline, but not ready to absorb all the extra info. Later down the road, as the child matures and grows, he will enter into a stage where he can process more details and have an understanding of what we can learn from history, and if he has memorized the facts as a younger child, he will have the memory "peg" in his mind from which to start from.

 Andy's little example really hit home for my friend Lori and I. Lori and I both try to make school as fun and interesting as we can and we go overboard trying to immerse the kids in literature and information, without realizing how simple school really can be!  When Andy talked about how LESS IS MORE and KNOWING FEWER THINGS WELL rather than many things vaguely, I felt as though a 50# weight had been lifted from my back. You mean, I don't have to add a bunch of extras to the weekly lessons to be doing an okay job as a homeschool mom? You mean, we don't have to learn all of the "Why's?" right now, and we don't have to understand everything we are memorizing or studying? You mean we don't have to do everything the curriculum suggests to succeed in homeschooling?

SO. FREEING.

Andy's solution to Freak-Out Homeschool Mom syndrome is:

BREATHE.

Love God.

Love your husband.

Love your kids.

A few times during the conference, he had us repeat this with him to remind us what is truly important.

Regardless of what schooling method your family is doing.

Regardless of what curriculum you choose.

Regardless of how organized or academically proficient you are.

Love for God and our families is what is truly important. Because we care about our families deeply, it's all too easy for us homeschool mamas to become FOHMs and forget the basics.

Sometimes we need to just breathe and consider what is eternal.

  

If you are a FOHM, or just a FOM in general, take a quiet moment to breathe deeply and focus on what really matters.

Love God.

Love your husband.

Love your kids.

God is with you friend!